Do Pilots Cheat More Than Other Professions - Part 1

pilot wife life

Is Cheating Part of an Airline Pilots DNA?

Do Pilots Cheat More Than Other Professions.- without a doubt, this is THE most requested topic by the Pilot Wives for the podcast.

Buckle up tight, as this is only part 1 of "Does Your Pilot Cheat."

I understand this is a controversial and triggering topic. And, I’m saddened that it’s number one, and yet I understand.

If you have an experience and would like to be on a future show, go to http://ask.pilotwifepodcast.com

I’ve spoken with at least 10 women who have an experience to share. Some will be interviewed and others want to share their story but with anonymity. Some were married to narcissists, and some choose to leave the marriage. Some chose to stay and work through it.

All of them felt judged by many - not the least of whom was themselves. Family, good friends, the cheating pilot, the other woman, other Pilot Wives .

It’s easy to Monday morning quarterback everything.

Each situation is as unique as the person.

Easy to say ‘I’d leave” and that can change with time and wisdom; realizing how much you have invested and how much you want to work on the relationship.

I have a therapist lined up to do a show, and share her thoughts, experiences and ideas to protect your marriage before an affair, and to heal it after. And, heal yourself for sure, if the marriage can’t be saved.

In this Part 1, Are Pilots More Likely to Cheat - I’m going to start with my opinion and experiences about whether pilots are more likely to cheat than other professions, after over 35 years in aviation in general. This is simply my opinion and experiences and is in no way meant to undermine anything you have gone through.

I worked in aviation for 3 years before dating, and then 5 years before marrying a pilot. I've worked at small airports, meeting lots of regional airline crews; spent time as a crew scheduler; I also spent a year as a flight attendant. And, I've spent most of it as a pilot wife.

What we cover, and again, these are my opinions and experiences, only!

Pilots are no more likely to cheat than any other profession.
Cheaters are cheaters and what makes one choose to cheat is not based on their profession. While the "pilot life" lifestyle can seem uber glamorous and desirable, most layovers are not spent at resorts with long breaks on the beach. Think "Snow storm in Des Moines at a Holiday Inn."
Yes, a hotel room, miles away, no receipts make it more conducive. Pilots are constantly in situations where it is easy to perceive that infidelity might be at the forefront, but it's not been my overall experience that this is true. Perception is not reality, and there are always 3 perceptions between two people. Yours, mine and the truth, which lies in the middle.
Flight attendants and those who pilots fly and layover in cities with are also not more inclined to cheat because of their profession. They have the same morals and ethics as others, by and large. Many are happily married, with kids and families and are simply doing their job.
When I started in the airlines, I had a rule - don’t date pilots, but honestly, my overall experience is most of them were married, pilot, friendly and not flirtatious. They were good guys, doing a job.
I knew one "Bad Boy" Casanova Pilot for sure. He was the exception, not the rule. Watch the video for my story on him.
My Crew Scheduling "Phone Call" and the lying, cheating pilot whose wife called to find out what city he was in. Oops, he wasn't flying...and clearly wasn't home.
I had many positive experiences at the gym, and elsewhere with Flight Attendants who knew my husband (small, family airline) commenting on how nice my pilot is and how he spoke of me.
PilotX and Mark, my husband who flew with him. He has made a "terrible mistake" with a flight attendant (either a one night stand or lasted a short time) - "I don’t put myself in that situation. Don’t be the last one at the bar with a flight attendant, or member of the opposite sex." What my pilot told him when asked how he avoided these situations.
Now, I don’t want to be a pollyanna, as I don’t TRULY know everything that has happened in over 30 years. Did he cheat? I'll never know 100%, just as no kone does, regardless of profession. But ultimately, there has to be a level of trust and releasing the worry. I honestly never worried or even thought about it in the early days.
Learn to trust your gut, and red flags. Don't be over anxious, yet be aware.
Enter the cell phone and social media - these have been a game changer, and I believe the anonymity that texting provides (almost feeling that there is not a live, breathing human on the other end) is dangerous.
People do, say and text things they would never say or do in person. And, if and when confronted, are often embarrassed and ashamed.
Setting expectations, boundaries and talking about all of this ahead of time can go a long way to diminish the risks. Good communication is critical in any relationship and certainly the pilot-wife one.
Beware of making demands that create resistance. Demanding that the pilot "Slam Click" - recipe for disaster and disappointment, and could lead to deception and mistrust, even if not engaging in bad behaviors otherwise.
Ideas to create connection and affair proof as best you can, your pilot marriage.